As I glance at my 2005 "Baskets of Kittens And Puppies Who At First Glance Appear To Be Real Kittens And Puppies, But Who Are Actually Sleeping Babies in Creepy Little Costumes Calendar", I guess it's time for a post. Okay already! I admit my enthusiasm for blogging has been in inverse proportion to the Blogging Craze in general. But that's how it usually is with me. By the time enough people are aware of something that I also happen to be interested in, I lose interest. (See "Six Feet Under", Franz Ferdinand and the WWF for past examples.)

Now, that's not to say I fancy myself some avant-garde trendsetter who's light years ahead of the general public. I'm just a cranky jerk who gets bored easily. But one thing I'm totally on board with is the whole "Looking at Dinosaurs in Exciting New Ways" trend that's currently sweeping the nation. Trust me, it is.

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DATELINE: BROOKLYN
"Two Old Women Thwart Terrorism on New York City Bus"
Anthony DeVito took the B1 bus the other day, because it was too damn hot to walk the 4 blocks from his apartment to the R train, which spirits him to his fulfilling day job.

But this short bus ride was very different.

At the stop after his, 2 mature woman boarded the bus and immediately began squawking. Since that's what they do, Anthony took no notice. But then he realized they were pointing to what New Yorkers lovingly refer to as a "suspicious package" under one of the seats. The translucent Eckerd Drugs bag could just be holding cough medicine. Or it could be holding death for us all. These sassy seniors weren't about to find out the hard way.

After alerting the bus driver, who rolled his eyes and exhaled loudly, they stood by and watched like a pair of retired eagles. The driver walked over, picked up the bag and examined its contents. Anthony prayed. Due to his extreme panic and lack of caffeine, the only prayer he could remember was the one his Catholic school class would recite right before lunch. In this case it would have to do.

But thanks to the quick thinking of these sour-faced matrons, Anthony is alive today to write about their heroism. For these stalwart defenders of liberty had saved 7 innocent people from a pair of child-sized Old Navy flip-flops. Pink ones.

I don't know about you, but it nourishes my soul to know that somewhere, a very small terrorist is cursing Freedom as she burns her feet on hot pavement, and maybe even steps on a small piece of glass.

*** GOD BLESS AMERICA ***