Listen, I know this entry comes a few days late. But I've needed the time to collect myself, take stock and figure out what the hell this world is coming to. You think you know what the deal is, right? You walk along seeing and hearing all the crazy shit going down, the war, terrorism, alleged rapes and child molestations, global warming, the looming oil crisis... the list never seems to end. But you know that in the end, everything's going to be just fine, because Creed rocks.

And then, they break up.

What? Come on, creed.com, you're just fucking with me. This is SO like Stapp to have us on like that. He is so totally a practical joker, you know? Most people think he's really serious and intense, which he totally is, but he also has a wacky side that only true fans get to see. Oh, and Jesus gets to see it too, like when Scott flies up to Heaven to talk directly to JC about life, songs and the power of inspirational arena rock.

But it turns out, it's no joke. Creed, the greatest rock supergroup of this or any generation, has disbanded. It's just not fair. I mean, I just last week figured out how to download the "With Arms Wide Open" ringtone into my new cellphone. I remember that fateful moment when I learned Creed was history... the lyrics to that awesome song held even more special meaning than they had before, if that's even possible.
"Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face"

Except they're tears of pain, not joy. See, Stapp totally wrote that song about the birth of his baby, but to me it feels like a million babies just died. And that would make me cry too, only in a sad way.

Listen, I can't write any more right now. I thought putting the words on paper would help, but I need a break from thinking about this. I'm going to go work on this totally stellar pencil drawing montage of all the coolest scenes from all the Creed videos that I've been creating for the past 7 months. In the middle part from "Higher", Stapp's face kind of looks like Ellen Degeneres, and I'm afraid if I keep erasing it the paper will rip. But other than that it is so beautiful. And to look on the bright side, my Creed tribute band "One Last Breath" won't have to stress out learning news songs every few years. We will master the creed-alogue and keep the flame alive.

Forever.

Marlon was a dog-walker by trade. And a very, very good one. He took his job seriously, not like that dilettante Eva who thought everything was a big joke. Her dogs were always all over the place, straining at their tethers like they’d sniffed the shirt of an escaped convict and had just picked up his scent. Eva was a disgrace to the uniform. There wasn’t really a dog-walker uniform, Marlon thought, but if there was, she’d be unfit to wear it.

So could somebody please tell him why she was so damned attractive?

Marlon always arranged his dogs in size order, from small to large, so they created a slope that started low, and gradually led the viewer’s eye right to him. A visual hierarchy, with Marlon as the “top dog”, so to speak. Yorkie, Jack Russel, Bichon Frise, Shar-Pei, Boxer, Greyhound, Great Dane, Marlon. Each leash color-coded to represent the spectrum of visible light. ROY G. BIV was how he was taught to remember it in school. Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet. There was no dog-walker in the city who could touch him, either in terms of efficiency or asthetics.

It all went to hell whenever Eva stumbled by, her arm nearly pulled out of her socket by her gasping, drooling mongrel horde. One look at her, and Marlon could feel his pink thing coming out. And he hated himself for it. It was like Superman falling for Batgirl. I mean come on— she didn’t even have any powers. Eva, however, was different. First off, she had a fairly pronounced bald spot that she didn’t even try to hide. Was she proud of it? She was a champion nail biter. And she favored huge, stretched-out t-shirts with slogans like “Hang in There”, “Somebody in Orlando Loves Me”, and “Fuck the Ayatollah”. When she wore that last one, Marlon wanted to fornicate with her, hard. It was obscene, political, jingoistic, and hopelessly dated, all at the same time. It was like she knew exactly what turned him on.

One day, Marlon decided to do something about his unrequited crush. He wasn’t getting any younger, after all, and he knew that because he was an anal-retentive underachiever who always smelled like a kennel, his dating pool was like those kiddie ones you fill with a garden hose, that inevitably crack at the rim and pinch your skin. But Eva was the only one he wanted, so none of that mattered, and he knew if he asked her out she’d say yes. She had to. Tomorrow would be the day.

Marlon was understandably distracted that morning. His life was about to change in a big way, and he was thinking more about that (and his new European hair tonic) than about the dogs. The thing is, dogs can sense when your mind wanders to thoughts of love. And they will hate you for it. They see romance as a weakness, and they'll never accept some besotted fool as alpha-male. So as soon as all the four-legged fiends were in telepathic agreement, Pickle the Yorkie gave the sign…and it was on.

Marlon flapped through the air like a child’s kite that couldn’t quite catch enough wind to really take off. He screamed like a girl scout selling cookies who’s been greeted at the door by a nude, hairy clown holding a bloody ax. As the hellhounds rounded a corner, Marlon lost his grip and landed in a pile of refuse in front of Hong’s Fish Palace. Just then, Eva walked by in a faded "Where's The Beef" tee, on her way to collect her canine clients. Marlon stood up, made a mental note that one of Eva’s arms was longer than the other, and spat out a mouthful of putrid fish garbage. ‘Will you marry me?” he asked, as a flounder tail slid off his cheek. Then he threw up.

It was a lovely ceremony.

AIR FORCE ACADEMY, Colo. (AP) - President Bush compared the fight against terrorists to the struggle against tyranny that forced World War II, telling new Air Force officers Wednesday that the United States and its allies can win the battle by bringing freedom and reform to the Middle East. The thin air caused Bush to make several other comparisons:
- The store brand of peas taste exactly like the fancy kind, plus he had a coupon.
- Star Trek: Enterprise is just as good as the original series, even though he doesn't understand why the bridge on the new show looks newer than the old bridge, if the new show comes before the original show in the Trek timeline.
- Watching The Swan is no different that watching a creatively written and well acted television program.
- Britney Spears and Madonna are interchangeable on every level.
- Lying is the same as telling the truth, because both use words to make statements.